One poem from a 10 poem pamphlet ‘ Stopping the Clocks’. By Jonathan Eyre.
I’ll tell you about M.E. –
I’ll tell you about M.E.
Write down your dreams, your aspirations, on a sheet of paper,
Done it? Write your aspirations down! One or two of them,
Maybe the deeper ones. Done it? Now tear it up,
Tear up the sheet of paper with your aspirations written down on,
Tear the sheet of paper into tiny pieces and throw them to the floor.
Commit littering where you are now, don’t hold back! Done it?
Do this every day, every hour, in the street, in your seat, in your car, in your kitchen, in your bed, Do it where you stand, where you cook, where you think, at the work desk, on your computer.
Not just mentally, But in this physical representation of your personal dreams for a future.
This is the process of M.E., torn dreams, aching limbs, an exhaustion that strips you of your soul’s desires, strips you of your simplest objectives in life,
Tears even the thoughts you are having at a moment in time,
Tears the conversations from your mouth as you are trying to have them,
Tears them into shreds.
So you make your dreams smaller, I’ve read the books, done the
Cognitive Behaviour Therapy ‘patient sufferers’ course.
You make your aspirations easier to achieve, to have a shower, to walk two extra steps, go and post a letter, to read the next few pages of a novel, to say hello to a friend…
………And I can see you have not got it..
Go on, write these smaller dreams down on a new piece of paper.
Now tear them up, throw them to the wind, these simpler dreams,
Do this every hour; train your mind to accept this
To accept that even the shadows of your deepest dreams
Are……….. torn…………. to …………..shreds,
Rendered into a fatty deposit
That sinks to the bottom of the latrine of your aspirations.
That there is around you the smell Of festered and decomposing dreams……
Your life is not broken, it is torn over and over and over again,
Thrown as confetti the day you became shotgun wedded to this disease
And you now find these torn pieces hidden in the clothing of your personality,
The folds of you character, turning up as decapitated words and scrambled torn individual letters
On thousands of pieces of torn sheets of paper,
Shards spirited away by unseen underground rivers of illness.
And I see you might be getting it, the enormity of this incurable disease
That cheats on the body, steals the mind and toils the soul….
So now that you are working it out,
Write these thoughts down on another sheet of paper, tear these up to smaller pieces and send these to your friends.
I have no need of them; I have too many tears
(or is that tears)
Of my own.
Jonathan Eyre 2012
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its been a long long while since I blogged here. Life got a bit more difficult, my dear old dad died and then I was just spending a long time being very kind to myself…crafting, gardening, resting when I needed it and playing when I could. So this little place became a memory and I didn’t think to pop by and talk about my health or how losing my dad made me feel…I just lived and felt and was for a while just me…being a little selfish which is required when you need to heal and grieve.
im not saying I’m back…I’m just here tonight saying where I’ve been. I’m hoping life is being kind to you all out there and if it’s not then I hope you can get through whatever it is the best way you can.
Everybody out there with chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS) – WAKE UP! There are some creatures in the room, and they aren’t mice. Well, these creatures are distant cousins of critters that live in mice. These cousins have moved on up to live in humans
These creatures are called retroviruses. So far there are only three retroviruses known to cause disease in humans according to the United States government. HTLV-1 is associated with adult T-cell leukemia. GTLV-2 is associated with hairy cell leukemia. Human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) is associated with acquired immunodeficiency syndrome (AIDS). http://www.ncbi.nim.nih.gov/books/NBK7934
But there might be another retro creature causing human disease. Dr. Judy Mikovits studied blood samples from CFS patients and controls looking for a new retrovirus. She found 67% of CFS patients were positive and 3.7% of the healthy controls were positive. These results were published in “Science” on May 23, 2009. Later…
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I stand quietly while you do somersaults on the bed as you aren’t being naughty, you are just trying to get your out of sync body under control.
I stand quietly by the toilet door every time you need to go, and come with you around the house, and sometimes even just across the room, because I know you can feel truly frightened when you are not near me.
I stand quietly at the supermarket checkout while everyone stares at you barking like a dog and blowing raspberries on my arms to cope with the buzzing lights.
I stand quietly while you tell the baffled shop owner that you are looking for shoes that feel hard like splintered wood because your skin can’t bear soft things.
I stand quietly when the attendant gives us scornful looks when I ask for the key to the disabled toilet because the hand dryer…
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In the month of February, two new films were discovered whilst scavenging for pumpkins in the mind of the Bewildered Cauliflower.
The first film formed after an intense week in January making ten short animations in ten days. I made four of these films to relate on some level, then afterwards, began to explore possibilities and polish them, turning into this!
The second film is a poetic experiment relating to the cloud story, currently in progress. I put together some already created images to some of my notes, read aloud and beautifully put to guitar by my friend, Scott McHenry, who lives here: http://scottmchenry.co.uk/
Here is the film. I think it is a boost to inspire further ideas for this tale, as well as an experimentation into the animated world.
Beneath a full moon tonight, I sit awake and listen to the voices of tomorrow, beckoning me to join their…
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